Recently, influencer Danielle Bernstein (“WeWoreWhat”) publicly shared that her marriage ended and that a prenuptial agreement played a role in the story.
And while we don’t know the full details of what happened privately, the public reaction has been fascinating and very revealing.
The loudest takeaway we’ve heard from people is:
“Her fiancé was trying to take her money.”
That assumption is incredibly common and is one of the biggest stigmas the “non-monied spouse” faces in fairly negotiating a prenup agreement.
The Prenup Stigma: “If You Try to Negotiate, You’re Greedy”
There’s a cultural narrative that prenups are something a wealthy person requests to protect what is “theirs” from a partner who might “take advantage.”
But in real life, that framing is often incomplete, and sometimes totally backwards.
A prenuptial agreement isn’t automatically about someone trying to “take” anything. More often, it’s about two people trying to define what fairness in marriage looks like before emotions, conflict, or resentment enter the picture.
The Less-Monied Spouse Isn’t “Lucky” — They’re Vulnerable
One of the most overlooked parts of prenup negotiations is that the spouse with less money is often the one who has more to lose long-term.
Not because they’re entitled to someone else’s wealth, but because marriage (and the wealth of one party) changes the trajectory of a person’s life in ways that aren’t always obvious on day one.
For example, the less-monied spouse may be:
- relocating for the relationship
- stepping back from work to support the other spouse’s career
- taking on more household responsibilities
- supporting a business behind the scenes
- sacrificing earning potential during the marriage
- giving up opportunities that don’t “pay” immediately but matter long-term
A prenup that looks “clean” and “simple” on paper can be devastating in reality if it doesn’t account for these sacrifices, future spousal support needs, or long-term financial protection in marriage.
Sadly, I have worked with far too many clients who don’t want to rock the boat or be seen as greedy for trying to negotiate a fair prenuptial agreement that protects them as well as their spouse.
A Fair Prenup Should Protect Both People
A well-drafted prenup agreement can and should include terms that help the lower-earning spouse, such as:
- spousal support terms (or clear guidelines)
- “sunset clauses in prenups” (terms changing after years of marriage)
- protections if one spouse pauses their career
- clarity around debt, savings, and marital financial expectations
Have the Conversation Now
Ultimately, the Danielle Bernstein prenup discussion highlights something I tell clients all the time: prenups are less about planning for divorce and more about financial clarity before marriage. If a prenup leads to difficult conversations and even a breakup, that can be painful — but it can also prevent much deeper conflict later. It’s far healthier to confront financial expectations before marriage than to fight about them during the marriage or make serious life choices based on completely unaligned financial views.
If you’re considering a prenup in New York—or you were handed a prenuptial agreement and feel uneasy—our office can help you protect your future and negotiate terms that make sense.
